First day of new cycle

Day went fine. No herx, no nothing. Liking this a lot. Overall good day for me.
Until next time- stay tick free and toodles for now.

'Twas the night before my new cycle of different antibiotics..

and all through my stomach, butterflies are stirring and nerves are ajar.The meds are in their individual compartments, placed there with care, in hopes that no herx reaction makes it a nightmare.

Okay, so I have been listening too wayyyy tooooo much Christmas music and I definately have the Yuletide spirit. Christmas is my favorite holiday and although I am happy that I am under treatment for Lyme the fact that I won't be enjoying all the yuletide food and cheer is upsetting. I am starting to feel like a puppy with my nose up against the window, wimpering, wanting to come in and feast. YFSF diet this holiday season will be tough but my husband said he will help me when I feel like cheating on my diet.

Now, back to my nerves. I am nervous about my new cycle of meds I will start tomorrow morning. Everytime my meds are changed I do have a herx like reaction - which sucks, so I am nervous and anxious over how bad it will be. I am trying to have happy thoughts but past experience has shown me that I will feel sick until my body adjusts and a die off occurs. Hope it won't be so bad is all I can hope for and lots of prayers that I get through it like a trooper. With every bad experience I am that closer to getting better.

Until next time- stay tick free and toodles for now.

Unsung heros

It is easy to get all caught up in my Lyme Disease and everything that it entails. It is rough on us Lyme patients on our bodies and in our mids. You know who else suffers and nobody really things about them? It's the people in our life, our spouses/partners, our family member, our children (those who have them) and our friends. These people get treated badly when us Lyme patients have a bad bout of the disease when all the systems flare up and flare up badly they do. They do not deserve it. Lyme patients don't deserve it either. Lyme ends up turning both us Lyme patients and our loved ones victims of this disease. My husband has been amazingly good through it all. Mostly he has suffered in silence but he has suffered just the same and I am sad for him for that. My mom although not that silent about her suffering has suffered too. Watching her child hurt kills her and she has told me that (like I wrote my mom is not the silent type).
I am sorry for all the bad stuff that my disease has brought into the lives of my loved ones and I am grateful for all my family and friends and of course my spouse that are still there for me even though I have given them plenty of reasons not to be when my Lyme got the better of me. They are the unsung heros in the lives of us Lyme patients and in my life in particular. I am grateful for all the blessings of these unsung heros in my life. Thank you.
Until next time- stay tick free and toodles for now.

Darkest before the dawn

A lot has happened since last Thursday. The aftermath of my husbands' family doctor refusing to treat me was devastating to both of us. The weekend was a tough one for both of us. On Thursday amidst all the sadness and tears I grabbed the board game TROUBLE and my husband and I played a few rounds of that. That, actually made us feel better. I am not sure what possessed me to grab a board game. I guess I must have regressed back to childhood times and childhood board games. In childhood things seem safe and okay or at the very least not that bad. We played several rounds of Trouble on Thursday, Friday and Saturday. That helped us both immensely.
One other thing helped. This one I do not recommend and I am pretty sure my Lyme doctor would be pissed if she ever found out. The second Saturday of every month is a regular get together with a couple of friends of ours. We went over to their place. I warned my husband before we showed up at their place that tonight I will not take any meds, I will eat whatever I want and I will get shit faced drunk. I made that announcement when I got to our friends place too. And shit faced drunk I got. I needed a night of heavy duty boozing. I needed an emotional escape from everything. The events of the last few months all caught up with me in a big way. At one point my husband suggested we go home so I would not get sick at our friends place. It's best to be drunk sick in ones own place, not a friends - as a rule of thumb. So we left but not before Nancy handed me a bucket for the road. Well, on the road the bucket got used. I asked my husband how long I was puking. He said about 2 kilometers worth. Impressive. It was great. I purged all the stress, anxiety, sadness, disappointment, fear and worry of the last few months. And I felt great afterwards. I can't explain the absolute relief that purge fest had on me. We got home and I slept the sleep of the just. I woke up the next morning feeling like a million bucks. No hangover. Just felt great. Spent the day prepping my meals for the week (YFSF).
So, Monday arrived and I went to see another doctor who refused to treat me. I was disappointment but mildly. On Tuesday I had another appointment with a doctor....he agreed to treat me and to follow my Lyme doctors' treatment protocol. WOW. Finally. After all the struggles, stress and tears and after over 6 months of looking for a doctor to treat me locally for Lyme alongside my US doctor, I found him. Funny thing is this doctor likes to talk as much as I do ----and that is saying something. I always have to much too say about everything. I am a 24/7 peanut gallery and so is my doctor- love that about him. He is a nice man and I am glad he is on my team of doctors. I still feel a bit nervous and anxious. Kinda like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. After all the struggling for so long, even before my Lyme diagnosis there was a struggle. I was feeling awful and no doctor knew what I had. Some even thought it was all in my mind and offered to give me anxiety meds because obviously anxiety meds cure all the pain from Lyme disease and after all it's all in my head. NOT! NowI am trying to not feel like someone will pull the rug out from under me and take away my doctor or that he changes his mind. I guess I am going to have to get used to things being okay now. That's a new feeling or a feeling I haven't felt in far too long. But as of now I am okay.
I did spent this past weekend emailing my local politicians, the Minister of Health Canada and the College of Physicians to complain about the nonexistent help that Quebec and Canada offers to Lyme patients. Not sure where all that will take me but they have got to realize that they can't spend all their time ignoring a disease that is real just because it makes them uncomfortable. It is time my country grows a pair and mans up.
Until next time- stay tick free and toodles for now.

Well, what a day!

This one has been a tough one. I had a doctors' appointment with my husband own family doctor. He agreed to see me and told my husband that he would be able to help me out with my scripts. Well, he didn't. Once again, yet again, yet another doctor said to me that 'he does not know much about Lyme and can't help me'. I did tell him that he did go to medical school so this is his job and he needs to get informed`. My husband told me that I was being antagonist. I say if he was a better doctor that wouldn`t have happened. I am so fed up with ingnorant doctors who are too damn lazy to get informed and it`s that laziness that leaves patients untreated. The argument is that they are liabel if they treat a patient when they don't know what they are doing. I say if these doctors were to contact my specialist, read up on Lyme and get informed there is no liability just intelligent medical care. Right now all these doctors that I have dealt with practice cover their ass medicine, Lyme patients be damned. I also say that they are equaly liabel by not treating a patient and there only defense is a pitiful ignorance of the disease. No court allows anyone to plead ignorance yet these doctors are practicing medecine on that philosophy. That makes them liabelous just the same. In fact with there refusal to get informed it is willfull ignorance and arrogance. That does not sound like a good defense for their actions.
Today has been a sad day. I shed lots of tears. Mostly I was upset because I thought and felt, finally it`s all over and I actually will have a doctor. Disappointment and despair is on tap today. Lots of tears from that tap.
I tried going to some CLSC`s this afternoon. The Quebec gov`t kepts telling us residence to use them. They are suppose to be these walk in cliniques for the Quebec population. So I tried them this afternoon. One I needed an appointment, two others only has nurses not doctors, the other does not take any new patients and one does take in walk ins but you have to register at 7:30am to see a doctor and the doctors show up at 9am. Also she said that usually by 9:30am they close the clinique to walk ins because they are at maximum capacity for the day. And I am paying taxes into this crappy medical system. I want a refund. Ridiculous. Frustrating. This has been one hard day.
Until next time- stay tick free and toodles for now.

Update and stuff

I had my 6 month office follow up visit with Dr. McShane. I am progessing...slowly but I am progressing just the same. Still trying to get a dr to refill my scripts locally but no luck. I did have a bit of luck for 4 months via an internet doctor here in Montreal but he said he can't refill them for me any longer. I have two other appointment with 2 more doctors within the next few days. I can certainly use a miracle right about now with these scripts and refills. My lyme dr said that CLSC's tend to be more helpfull with lyme patients but I might need to go to a few before I get a doctor that is understanding. If the family doctors' I will be seeing in the next few days do not come through for me then off to my CLSC rounds I go.
It's the frustration of it all. All this running around for something that is a legitimate and diagnosed disease. It feels pretty isolating for us patients try to help ourselves with endless dr. visits that lead to nowhere. It is also upsetting when every doctor I go and see, I am so hopefull that they will be the one to help me and they don't. There are moments of frustration, panick that I will never find a doctor to treat me locally with my Lyme dr, exhaustion because making the doctor rounds is tiring and finally after all the dead ends the last emotion is that of being demoralized but I am not dropping my head in defeat - too easy to do that and my health is worth the effort required. My life is worth the effort required.
My food cheating has come to an end. Dr. McShane reiterated why it's so important to stick to the diet. It scared me back to fidelity with this diet. Sometimes a gentle reality check given by my caring and amazing doctor like Dr. McShane is all that is required.
I discovered a couple of great products for dry skin/hands. Lyme has made my skin and my hands and feet very dry. I discovered Palmer's Cocoa Butter Formula Concentrated Cream also the Palmer's Cocoa Butter Formula jar with Vitamin E. It also comes in a soap bar. Awesome. Those products help me a lot- only downside- my hands smell like yummy homemade cookies which I can't have due to the YFSF diet I am on. It's a conundrum. :(
Until next time- stay tick free and toodles for now.